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Co parenting After Divorce
By J. Ros
Divorce can be pretty devastating for both parties involved but most of all for the children who are caught in the middle. Most of the time they do not understand why their mother and father can no longer co exist or be happy as they once were.
Minimize the Effect
Try and minimize as much as possible the effects of the separation by making co plans, which are easy to follow for the children. It is important that the children realize that they are not at fault or the reason for the divorce; as many kids often live under that impression for the longest time.
Co plans should include quality time with both parents so that the kids get to know you both and not miss out knowing one of the parents. However bad the marriage may have been, being a parent sometimes makes all the difference when you want to be part of your child’s life. Refusing that bond or making it difficult is wrong not towards your spouse but your children who are being deprived of the love of a parent by no fault of their own.
If possible, be as civil and pleasant around your ex as possible, even try and have some outings
together as part of the co plans so that the children feel that both parents are good people. To a child it is important to know that one parent respects the other, it makes them feel that they belong. If it is not possible to be polite with one another try not to speak at all rather than blur out an insult in front of the children, which may mark him or her forever. Remember children see parents as role models and often want to grow up and be like just like them.
More Helpful Tips
Try as much as possible not to speak badly about your ex in front of the children, because by respecting your ex, you give your children self respect and esteem. Co-parenting is very hard especially if you had a bad divorce (are there any other kind?). But for the sake of your children you must make the best possible arrangements with your ex.
Co-parenting is all about the children’s needs not yours and as long as you keep that in mind you will be able to make the right choices along the way. A divorce is bad enough by itself, there is no need to prolong it and make it harder on everyone any longer than you should.
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